A Few Things, Now That I’m 40

I have to get up in the middle of the night to use the restroom. Every. Single. Night.

I have aches and pains that take turns afflicting different areas of my body.

I really value feeling good. But feeling good now means things like: feeling well-rested, feeling light on my feet, and having a clear conscience.

I care a lot less about most things. But I care a lot more about a few things.

I think of my life in decades rather than years.

I feel more competent than ever. But I am more suspicious of meritocracy than ever. After all: most good things in my life, I did not earn. And hard work has not always led to success.

I realize how important character really is.

I find it easier to trust in God.

I accept that I am basically like my parents.

I realize my kids will basically be like me. Scary.

I am grateful for freedom from (certain) sins. But I’m sobered by the ones that still have roots. I have less time, but more at stake.

I’m still surprisingly self-absorbed. Look at how much I’m talking about myself here!

I’m much more aware of how much I need God.

I still feel young.

I believe my most important work is still ahead. But still don’t know exactly what that work is.

If I reach 50, and all I have to show is that my wife still likes me, my kids still want to be in relationship with me, and my kids still want to follow Jesus — that will be enough.

But even that will be a gift.