There is a nagging sense in me that my disillusionment with postmodernism and postfoundationalism is not enough for me to abandon it altogether. I don’t think I can easily set aside my jadedness; it is real. And it’s not like I put all my hope in either as if they were something I subscribed to. I did not choose to be post-anything. It chose me–I was born and raised in this context.
I think that my disillusionment with pomo is that it has done nothing to deal with the problem of evil–neither the evil out there, nor the evil inside. It does not begin with the problem of evil, but rather the problem of existence and knowing. The invitation to construct my own reality of meanings is tempting, but ultimately irresponsible. And if anything, it gives license for more evil.
My disillusionment with pofo is that it cripples my mind and robs me of any ability to speak with authority. If I cannot return to a distinct set of epistemological ‘foundations’, then how do I discern what is true in a world of nuance? In a world that is increasingly pluralistic in its agreement on what can even consitute as a ‘foundation’, on what basis do I have to appeal for the power to be heard?
Yet, this is the world that I live in. And I don’t know if my disillusionment with pomo and pofo is a whole lot different than my feeling that modernity and foundationalism is elementary. In a way, it is not matter of choice as much as it is a matter of fact and reality. I can certainly try to fight the cultural current, but I am not one to hide in Christian bunkers.
What I realize is that there will be disappointments. It is not as if there are a whole lot of forerunners on this journey. And it brings me back again to McLaren’s point that I should always be looking for the kingdom of God, which is not only transcendent of cultural boundaries, but it can also always be found in the midst of it. How do we discern a kingdomly spiritual and mental lifestyle in the midst of pomo and pofo? That is the question I began with before my disappointment. And that is the question that I will continue to ask. Disillusionment certainly makes me more cautious, but I think it is has been a clue to the answer.
I have experienced my share of disappointments in life. And like many people, it has made me wary of hoping in too many things. But my hope in experiencing and being found by the King and his kingdom cannot waver. No disappointment in the world is worth giving up this faith.