Hypocrisy?  Or Providence?

So I’ve been pondering a lot about this intentional Christian community.  I really do want it, but I think I’m realizing that, right now, it just ain’t realistic.  It’s not realistic because most of my church friends aren’t ready to purchase a home.  Well, I have one friend, but he’s moving farther away; another is considering moving out of the country.  May some day.

Oddly enough, I’ve had a crazy opportunity pop up before me.  An opportunity to purchase a place that we normally would not be able to afford–and it’s tearing me up inside.  This opportunity is a genuine act of generosity, but at the same time, I don’t know…I’m hesitant.  I think I’d feel like a hypocrite to go gushing about the wonders of Christian community and bashing the American Dream in one breath, and say yes to to this opportunity in the next.  At the same time, I wonder if this is God’s grace extending to me and I’m suspicious of the very hand that feeds me.  There is no Pro & Con list that will bring any more clarity to this situation.

I wish sometimes life was more cut and dry.  I wish that it was easy to follow the Holy Spirit and live life with a totally clear conscience.  Until then, I will continue to enter the ambiguous space of prayer and listening.

(Meanwhile, I realize how stupid this all is…the dilemmas of the middle-class…quite pathetic.)

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